The ability to set relationship boundaries is a basic life skill or coping skill in interpersonal relationships.

Many people allow themselves to be imposed upon and even mistreated because of a poor self-image, fear of conflict, and uncertainty about their right to exercise control over their lives. And, on the flip side, they can cause damage to others by not having a defined sense of self, knowing when to stop, and respecting others as individuals.

A boundary is really a limit, or a behavioral line which is established for protection and should not be violated or crossed.  The way in which you allow others to interact with you is governed by the personal boundaries you have established or defined in your life. The way you enforce these boundaries is the primary way you protect yourself emotionally.

Here are the 4 mistakes commonly made:

1. Not having a clear mind.

You must determine what is acceptable and not acceptable about the person or situation. Examine and express your thoughts and feelings. Setting boundaries is about setting limits and you must have a clear vision about what you want and do not want.

2. Not communicating those boundaries to people involved. 

It may sound strange but many people will come up with boundaries, not make them known, and then wonder why they are violated. A common dysfunction in relationships is the idea of 'If you loved me you would know what I want and give it to me' or 'You should know I don't like that'. How would they know if you never tell them?

3. After communicating, ask for and listen to feedback.

After communicating, ask for and listen to feedback. Is your boundary realistic, did they understand what you were trying to communicate and why? Relationships serve the purpose of getting your needs met. Perhaps the issue had been festering on both sides and simply airing it out and being specific will be enough.

4. Not defending your boundaries.

Sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, your boundaries will be challenged. Firstly, stop what is going on, identify and name the transgression as soon as it happens. Do not store it up for later, risking growing resentment or ignoring it  'just this once'. That leads to inconsistency and a weakening of the limits you set.

By setting boundaries we are saying we will no longer be a victim of fate or at the mercy of a cold, cruel world. We can start getting some direction in our lives and relationships rather than letting those on the outside control us. It means taking emotional responsibility for ourselves and not taking on that of others.

By taking the time to sit and look at wants, needs, goals and desires, we can begin to move forward in the direction to get them met for ourselves, rather than relying on others, or worse yet, staying stuck in a rut of our own making.